Who will pay for the cost of such a situation? These are just some thoughts, but in the end it is your decision, I hope and pray that what happens is the best for both of you. The first question is why did he do an Istikharah if he is absolutely convinced on wanting to marry you? Do you feel like this man is your soulmate and you will be losing out on a big opportunity in life if you pass up on this marriage? Do you believe in home-schooling your children? From a jurisrpudential viewpoint, the main topic for obedience that is described is with respect to fulfilling the responsibility of the spousal bed, and anything else directly related to that. 86. Where do you want to live (country)? If so, why, and where, and would it be temporary, or permanent. If you converted to Islam, when did you convert? 107. 129. 71. If so, how much? Or only if you travel with them? What legal status (current) do you have in other countries? 13. 126. 115. Is there any hint that this person might have difficulty with emotional commitment to a relationship? 35. He must first make his firm decision on what he wishes to do, and whether he wants to marry you or not. 93. This is a view that all our jurists have. Please consult with your family members, do some further background investigation into this person's life, and do not emotionally invest into anything unless you are absolutely confident that you are making the right decision. 22. Do  you pray Tarawih during Ramadan? Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances? 153. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible? How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage? Yes, interaction with the opposite gender at the workplace for example is permitted. If unemployed, how long have you been unemployed and why? 16. If so, what if your spouse is not? If I get to know before marriage that the person with whom I am going to be married has slept with prostitutes and I am the only one who knows it, should I get married to him or not? This is why both men and women must keep our chastity and be as righteous as we can, which means that we save ourselves for our spouse-to-be, and try to observe as much Jihad al-Nafs in avoiding pursuing our lusts until marriage time. 166. What are the things that you do in your free time? Do you listen to music? Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognised union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between those spouses, as well as between them and any resulting biological or adopted children and affinity (in-laws and other family through marriage). What are you expecting of your spouse? If you have children with your spouse, would you allow your spouse and children to visit their families back home without you traveling with them? How were you disciplined as a child? Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician, before marriage? 171. Will your spouse be obligated to care (physically or financially) for the in-laws if they live with you? Under what pretense? What is the level of your relationship with them currently? 168. 131. Do you pray all 5 daily prayers? 109. If you have children, and get divorced, would the husband be allowed to keep custody if he remarried? If not, explain why you would disagree on it. Do you like to have guests in your home for entertainment? 2. What are the education levels of your family members? Are there any conditions (if you are male) that you would have on your wife, for her to be ale to work? Do you dress according to Islamic guidelines? How do you feel about the objectification of women involved in paying for services? 88. Long term and short term plans. How did you get to know them, and how long have you known them? 192. Who will take ownership of the household furnishings? If after negotiation, and intervention from family and elders to convince the father, he is still adamant about his refusal, and it is unwarranted, that is when it would be advisable to involve your scholar. 124. 180. 196. 97. Her sister's husband is not permanently forbidden to marry her, but only when her sister is his wife. Do you eat strictly zabiha, or do you eat food from “people of the book” and say bismillah? 53. If you are female, do you require the permission to work? How will meals be prepared? If not, why? 174. Do you pray them on time? 101. 110. 164. Is it allowed for a married woman to discuss any details of her sex life with her husband with any female or male friends? Do you believe in public schools for your children? 25. If you are male, do you permit your wife to work if she desires to? Do you believe that both the husband and wife should help in cooking? However, this is general advice, not related to one's lineage. 177. Why is the father refusing? How do you support your own health and nutrition? Do you feel that both the husband and wife should share in household chores? How do you interact with non-Muslims during their holidays? Also, some women might feel insecure about the possibility of being compared to a professional sex worker. How long do you expect to achieve those goals? 152. If she dies, God forbid, or if she is divorced from him, marriage will be then allowed between this man and any of the unmarried sisters of his ex-wife. Originally published on www.ifoundislam.net December 22, 2013, Copyright 2013 www.ifoundislam.net (our partner site), New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage Series - Part 1 of 2, New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage Series - Part 2 of 2, New Muslims (Section with many related articles for New Muslims), Joomla Templates & WordPress Themes - GavickPro, American Muslim – Freedom, Faith, Fear (BBC 3 Part Series), History of Muslims in America - 7 Part Series, Bible Corruption Series: Part 5 – Conflicting Gospels on the Empty Tomb & Ascension to Heaven, Read the Entire Quran in Ramadan - Juz Breakdown, Human Sacrifices & Cannibalism in Hinduism. However, if someone has a girlfriend, they are at least demonstrating the emotional and personal maturity to invest in a relationship. 15. No, it is not true that it is not allowed to marry a woman who has vitiligo. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage? Where? 200. Testimony of Faith (Shahada) - How to Convert to Islam. If so, by whom? What is your opinion of speaking other languages in the home that I do not understand? Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country? How would you describe your family’s financial status? Mahram is the person who is permanently forbidden for marriage with her under any circumstance for life e.g. Why would God punish or restrict a woman due to her paternal lineage to only allow her to marry a certain group of men, whereas other Muslim women are allowed to marry any Muslim man? Does your family know that you are talking to _______________ about marriage? 77. (That is, if it weren't a concern to you, you wouldn't ask; inside, you already know what you should do but may be second-guessing yourself.). We are so worried and are wondering if there is any way for us to get married? After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public? 108. 138. Or do you believe the man makes all the decisions even if the wife disagrees? What is the highest level of education you have achieved? Are you willing to be tested for STDs before marriage? 79. Who are your friends? 32. In Islam, a man cannot marry two sisters at one time, but this does not mean that the wife's sister becomes maḥram to the husband, nor does it mean that the sister's husband becomes maḥram to the wife's sister. In public? Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? It's also why we need to preserve our dignity and keep a good reputation. What is the role of religion in your life – now? Wish each other the best, and pursue your lives without being worried, as for sure more marriage opportunities will come your way. How do you expect your spouse to express anger? 75. If someone has wronged you, how do you want them to apologize to you? Chances of Moving and Living Abroad After Marriage: (8 Questions). 58. What is your view of the role of a husband? How much time passes before you choose to forgive someone? (Leave children with other parent, or would you stay in that country). 83. 89. 111. 161. Is this true, and can she stay at their home? 112. But he did an Istikhara from a scholar and it came out negative. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future? Who will live where, as well as the children if your spouse wants to move back to their country? She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... , Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Do you support the idea of a working wife? 170. I find in general people tend to re-enact the model they saw growing up and to some extent that which is culturally common around them. 61. From a social and akhlaqi perspective, the groom has also obtained the blessings of his family. 134. If the wife desires a divorce, and has to initiate khula, would the husband grant it with ease? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate the debt? What city, state, country do you CURRENTLY LIVE in? 30. How would you gain legal status there? 173. If for any reason your spouse’s relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done? How much support, and what methods will be provided for the wife and for how long? Under what circumstances? Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... , Seyed Ali Shobayri is of mixed Iranian and Scottish descent who found the path of the Ahlul Bayt (a) by his own research. 123. If so, what kind? What is the best method of raising children? (ex: certain types of jobs, or environments). Why Convert To a Religion That Supports Terrorism? Mahr having been agreed upon by both parties. I am a … Have you ever performed Ummrah or Hajj? How do you feel about the religious aspect of violating the command of Allah, and do you share the same religious values and worldview presently? 145. 100. 150. Do you have children now? If your spouse has children from a prior marriage, are you willing to provide financial support to them? How can you protect that right? It is still haram for him to see her without hijab, or look at her with lust, or shake her hand, or be alone with her, and so on. 151. 195. Don’t gamble away your life and future with someone that intends to be deceptive with you from the get-go. 76. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children? Don’t expect them to answer it if you are not willing to do the same. 178. What if your spouse doesn’t follow the same dietary expectations about halal mentioned in the last question? If your spouse has children from a previous marriage, and their spouse doesn’t permit their children to move abroad, how would you manage this situation? 68. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you? 158. Do you suffer from any chronic disease, condition, or disability? 114. 194. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the new future. If not, why? What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends? With friends? 43. (regular music, nasheeds, or both)? What is your financial responsibility in a marriage? It would all come down to negotiation and finding ways of making sure the parents are content. 162. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life? What do you expect your relationship to be like with the family of your spouse? We all know that people can be very deceiving to achieve whatever goals they have. Or live together? 98. 137. How would you expect your future spouse to dress? 78. If for any reason your relationship with your in-laws turns sour, what should be done? 85. Additional Advice:  Have both parties answer these questions in writing, so that you can both rely back to it in the future if one does/says something different. 125. With prayers for your success. If you are a male, are you willing and able to provide the cost of the international visit for your spouse and children to visit their families? Anyone can get married in Islam, as long as they meet the correct requirements and obligatory conditions. © Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2020. , Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. 169. Islam forbids the forced marriages and also warns parents those who opposing marriages for un-Islamic reasons such as for wealth, race, nationality, beauty and status. If not, why? 99. Are you willing to have intervention via an Imam, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist if needed? Are you seeking only an Islamic Marriage, or civil, or both? 67. 14. 7. How will you manage this situation? 72. 128. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused? 87. As for the case of her staying at their home, if all other shar'i matters are observed, yes she can. 66. If the husband falls on hard times, and needs assistance to support the home, do you feel the wife should help, or should he rely on his family to help? Is there anyone that you don’t have a good relationship with and why? If you live apart from each other in different countries, and the other fails to provide support for the children, how would the situation be addressed? Do you believe in spanking children? 149. 23. What are your expectations of marriage? If so where and how often? What are the names of your parents and siblings? If a family conflict reaches an unresolvable solution, and either your family or your spouse gives you the ultimate that it is “you or them”, how would you resolve the matter? 17. Hazrat Ibn Abbas (RadhiAllahu Anhu) related that a man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said O Messenger of Allah! He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. With your family? This isn't strongly and clearly addressed in our tradition, and so there is a broad scope of interpretation. 105. Do you drink alcohol? Is it permissible for my parents to cut off ties with my cousin if she ran away and got married against her family's wishes over a decade ago and the rest of her family has since forgiven her and re-established ties with her? Are there any family members that are financially dependent on you for support? (poor, lower middle-class, middle-class, upper-middle class, high class). And if there are children? I am interested in marrying a man who is pious and we are loyal and serious about each other. Do you celebrate birthdays of people or the Prophet PBUH? How would you feel if he continued this during your marriage? Do you exercise regularly? 190. In my experience, in practice, marriages tend to fit into two models - a "master-slave" model (where one person commands and the other obeys) and a partnership model (where the two work together and discuss things mutually). What is your relationship with your family like? 4. 8. 176. What are the professions of your family members? 185. 198. What would you do if your spouse became lazy in their prayers, or other Islamic obligations? Does a wife have to obey her husband like she has to obey her parents, or is a marriage more about mutual decisions and understanding? What would you consider causes serious enough for a divorce? What are the three most important requirements you look for in a potential spouse? Of course, this is why it is so important to get married at a young age. 181. Do you use foul language at home? Either he is two-minded and indecisive about it, or he's confused, or he doesn't know what istikharah is. What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslim community in your area? Marriage Expectations: (11 Questions) 29. People know what the other person “wants” to hear, and will give all the nice answers. 136. Anything else that would be required legally, or Islamically. What sect (Sunni/Shia) do you follow? 48. Firstly a Muslim female shouldn't have male non-mahram friends. 21. If your spouse mistreat your family in a situation, how would you handle the situation? Will it be rented or owned? 103. 42. 57. If so, how much? Can a 43 year old virgin get married if her brothers are consenting to her marriage but their father, being very strict, may not be in agreement? Is there anyone in your family that lives with you now? If you got married, and your spouse’s family needed financial assistance would you be willing to help them if/when the need arises? 69. 167. 186. Are you volunteering in any Islamic or other activities? What is your concept of an Islamic marriage? Do you think there is a chance that you would need to move to another country at any point after marriage? (partial or full support) Explain. 52. 55. If you, or your spouse fell ill with a chronic illness, condition, or disability, how would you manage supporting the family in such situation? 41. What is your view of the role of a wife? After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally? Once a person has done something once, they may do it again. In regard to discussing private sexual matters with her female friends, this should be avoided. He also obtained a PhD from... , Sheikh Mateen Joshua Charbonneau achieved a certificate from Harvard University in Islamic Studies. This is an circumstantial case that must be looked at individually. Are you willing to do immigration for your spouse? Do you expect all decisions to be made as a couple, considering the other’s views? 144. 39. Or will it be 100% upon your spouse and their ex? If your spouse has guests over for dinner, do you feel they should be segregated by sex? Do you plan to quit? 37. What is the legal agreement for support and residence for them for you, verses their other parent? He undertook Howza classes under esteemed scholars since 2013 and has been teaching at Imam Mahdi... , Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. The answer to this is, yes, we should not hold something against someone who has changed their ways, but it is still a risk of to what extent can one rely on their past not affecting or not creeping up again. It is highly recommended for there to be witnesses who are witnessing the ceremony, and can also sign any documentation the person conducting the nikah might issue. Would the spouse easily be able to find employment abroad? Explain all possible circumstances. 140. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage? 132. During the iddah period, would it be expected (for the husband) to move out, or the wife? Your wife has misunderstood the Islamic rule in this matter. If you have non-Muslim family members, how do you manage the non-Muslim holidays? So, although he cannot marry his sister's wife as long as he is married to his wife, it still does not mean that she becomes maḥram to him. With family? Paying for company can be a way of avoiding the inconvenience of actually having a relationship. 31. What do you expect the relationship between your spouse and your family to be like? 26. However, I do think it's advisable to take sect into consideration when marrying, and to make sure that the husband and wife have compatible ideas about religion, especially if there is the possibility of children. We should strive to maintain our family relationships and not break them off. 59. (Please, no angry emails!) ً45. Explain  why/ why not in detail. These two conditions are of utmost importance. Technically you are married (even if psychologically or socially you are single), so if you want to marry someone else, you should first get a divorce, and then observe iddah if necessary. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a home? What kind of assurance is there that such an individual has not turned into a promiscuous person, or maybe even a womaniser. A woman is in Nikah of a man but separated. If you are coming from a conservative or cautious religious background (for instance, no dating), it might not be a good match. 183. 36. If you were to divorce, Allah forbid, who would take custody of the children if you have any? Do you believe in Islamic schools for your children? This is why it is not a good idea to let a nikah without an actual marriage hang for a long time, whether it is as an engagement or after marriage. 46. However... this may be a cause of "if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer." If so, what are their names, sex, and ages? 165. 32. If not, why? Do you plan to quit? A skin disease would not be something that impedes a person from getting married. Anyway I hope you can resolve your marital situation soon (or, rather, dissolve it, if that is your intent). If not, then when? If she works, would she be (expected/required/optional) to help support the home and family? 199. How can the wife ensure she will get any deferred mahr that is owed to her? If you have children, and get divorced, would the wife be allowed to keep custody if she remarried? 155. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby-sitters and maids?

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